Documentary Blog Series #2

A Season of Silence

I think I was less afraid before my surgery than I was in the weeks that followed.  Before the surgery, I think I just kept telling myself that I was going to be fine, that my voice was going to recover.  It was after the surgery, that the surgery itself became more real, if that makes any sense.  I didn’t feel good at all.  Couldn’t eat anything.  Felt like a truck had just driven through my throat… I was groggy from the medicine, and with that feeling comes a sort of depression.  I was depressed.  I looked at my calendar, suddenly wiped clear because I couldn’t tour without a voice.  I couldn’t talk to my daughter.  Couldn’t talk to my wife.  I was handed a dry erase board and a marker as my only means of communication.  Like I said, depressing…

I remember after one show a while back, a woman came up to me and told me about her battle with severe depression.  She said, many days, it was next to impossible just to get out of bed.  Have you ever been there?  Are you there right now?  Have your seemingly impossible circumstances made it impossible for you to see any light at the end of the tunnel? 

Here are a few questions I found myself asking during my 2 months of silence, and the answers I felt like God gave me through scripture.  These really helped me face depression, my fear, and the uncertainty of tomorrow. 

 What if I’ve lost my voice for good?

“Be Still and know that I’m God. (Psalm 39:10)

What if I lose my record deal? Music is all I know how to do.

“We have not been given a spirit of fear but of power of love and of a sound mind.”

Why is this happening to me?  I can’t take the weight of this trial.

“Come unto me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matt 11:28”

What if I can’t provide for my family?

“And my God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19)

Comments

[Tracey]

Matthew -
Thank you so much for this documentary and showing your struggle through this trial. I think that we don't get to see enough of the realistic life of a Christian. I think that Christians are always trying to pretend that everything is great and that they are constantly rejoicing. We don't get to see the human side very often. Those are the times that I am so thankful for the Bible and it's true stories of imperfect people in pain, questioning, feeling faithless. And I am so thankful that you stepped out and shared your story of struggle, humility, and "what ifs" and your victory through Jesus. Life is a struggle, but God gets us through. Thanks again for your honesty. I am eager to see the rest of the documentaries!

[Jennifer Eckert]

It's good for Christians to be able to see some into the life of the musicians they listen to. It helps make musicians more of a realistic human than someone that's put on a pedestal all too often. Thanks for sharing part of your world with us. Also the Bible reference for: “We have not been given a spirit of fear but of power of love and of a sound mind.” is 2 Timothy 1:7 as it was not listed.